Much like everyone else I love stereotypes, and one my favorites is a group of guys gathered around a hot grill waiting for something to be done, or nearly so. You know what I’m talking about. Hank Hill and his neighbors standing in the alley behind their house tossing back some nondescript swill pretending to be beer. I hold contempt for this well advertised liquid, because it represents that other thing about America I don’t like: Consumerism, the force compelling people to buy cheap shit in bulk, specifically a beer that is sold in twenty four packs stacked from floor to ceiling. As a lover of yeasty malts with a picky taste for barley and wheat surely my opinion carries some weight. Well, not really. Despite the continuing rediscovery of porters and stouts by Americans pleading with tin cans for sweet inebriation, light beer remains an American staple.
Why?
The best explanation I’ve had so far is just like you buy Bud Lite in bulk, you drink it in bulk. It goes in and out fast enough to excuse yourself from the dwindling awkwardness of bonding. Who has time for feelings when you’re pissing every five minutes as a consequence of the fact you can drink six of these things in as many minutes? Why else would anyone care about the calorie content of twelve ounces of beer? If toxic masculinity had a mascot it’d be Bud Lite, social prophylactic offering protection against conversation. So, why did I grill dinner, alone, drinking light beer? Because, it’s burger’s best friend.
Consider this: You’re all alone with a gas grill, beef, and bread. The beauty of this arrangement isn’t hard to see, being in control of the char and done-ness of the meat with an idle opportunity to reflect on your surroundings. If you were drinking a stand-alone dark beer one pint would ruin your appetite, and soda would be too damn sweet. This is where light beer really shines. It doesn’t raise your blood sugar to a point of sating your appetite, and is just bitter enough to complement the meat. It washes away the fat of ground beef leaving your palette clean without the need to explain to your hyper-masculine friends why you have a bottle of Merlot in your possession.
And, you can keep drinking it. No need to stop or think. Empty bottle? Grab another. Light beer frees you of considering how full you feel, because it all goes to your head and your bladder.